My moms Wallet

My moms wallet
I still have my moms wallet and her purse. It’s amazing to me that this would bring so much comfort to me. When I’m down I grab my moms wallet and hold it tight. I remember back when she had dementia she would sometimes go through her purse and pull out her wallet and name off everything g that was in there. She would say I have my social security card and this card and that cuz she couldn’t remember. And to be honest it used to drive my kind of nuts but now that I think k back I would give anything to have my mom do that. It’s so funny now that she’s gone these things bring comfort to my very soul. I guess we should all just soak up every minute that we have with somebody. Who would of thought that my moms wallet would of done that to me. I wish now I would of written little things that she did even with dementia it would of given my comfort now and forever. If only I knew. (August 22, 2021)

It’s been a while

I haven’t been on to much. I miss my mom and dad everyday. I am trying to keep writing and sharing with all of you. I wrote this poem a few weeks ago and I hope you like it. I try to share from my heart.

It’s been awhile

Since I seen your smile.

Oh I wish you were here

I miss you so much

I wish I could feel your touch once again

Its so hard living with out you here

So you could give me all of your cheer

But I know it wasn’t meant to be

At least not now

But someday we will meet

Again.

Reflections of Love/CD❤️😊

Sometimes I cry

I’m trying to write again. It’s taken me some time but I’m starting too. I love sharing with you. I really needed time to heal I still am not great but at least I’m trying. This poem I wrote for my mom and dad. I love and miss them everyday. 😊💕❤️

Sometimes I cry

I miss you so much

If only I could feel your touch once again

I cry and cry

I miss everything about you i miss your smile I wish I could give you a hug if only for a moment

You left such a hole in my heart ♥️

That no one can fill like you

You were the best you always cared

For me from birth to the day you left.

Reflections of Love/CD💕❤️♥️

Blog Reflection

I haven’t been writing to much. May 23 marks a year since my mom passed away. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. Mother’s Day was a very hard day for me. I miss my mom so much. I guess it’s just takes time when you lose both your parents. It takes a while to get over and even though you really never get over it. I’m thankful I spent a lot of time with them and cared for them like I did. But now it just leaves such a hole in my life. Hopefully soon I can get back to writing poems and sharing my thoughts. I really needed time to process all of this. I have gone back to work. So that helps me.

I hope to continue this blog and keep sharing with you. Maybe I can help someone who is going through things that I have. That will be worth it all to me. I try to remember all the good times me and my parents shared and try to hold on and carry those with me.

I hope you will continue reading my blog so I can share with you. Grief is something we all go through there’s no beginning or end. Some days I’m fine other days I’m not. It comes and goes. I remember their voice and I miss them so much it hurts. I wish I could go back for just a minute second but I can’t do I have to go on. No matter how much it hurts. It’s painful it hurts it’s real you feel sad alone afraid and everything in between. Some days you feel guilty for not feeling sad and not feeling down because then you would know that it’s really real and it really happened and you would wake up from this nightmare. I don’t know where this is going. Maybe we can share our grief together. Maybe we can cry together because we lost someone that we love a mother, father, sister brother. Maybe we can help each other get through all of this.

I hope you all have a great day ahead. Keep pressing on. And I will do my best too. Take care.

Reflections of Love/CD ❤️💜😊

Happy Easter

I wanted to wish you all a Happy Easter. It is the day that we celebrate Jesus coming alive again. I’m so thankful for that. This Easter is the first Easter without my mom. It just seems so different. I went to church I made a Easter dinner but still it just wasn’t the same. Two people who were in my life for so many years are gone. Who raised me from a infant. I miss them terribly. Grief is something that you carry with you forever. It never goes away. Some days you feel better then all of a sudden you have this thought in your mind of their smile their touch their voice and it overwhelms you. You try to go on but there’s such a hurt it’s hard to bare. I know it will get better in time but the Holidays are the worst. You just feel lost and you can’t find your way. My mom had dementia but I would give anything to see her again and tell her I love her. I started writing this blog when my mom had dementia and it helped to write. Now I feel it helps to share with all of you my grief in losing both of my parents. It helps to know that other people also share my pain. I hope In time I can get back to writing again. I miss it but I know I need time to heal. This Easter was different but it was good too. I know my mom and dad would want me to go on and share. That’s one thing they taught me to care. So hopefully soon I will be back and Sharing again but for now I’m still healing! But I hope you all have a Happy Easter. Enjoy every minute of

your family. And every day. 😀🌈☹️

Copyright:Reflections of Love/CD❤️💕

Happy Birthday 🍰😊🌈

Next week on February 6th will be my moms birthday. This will be the first birthday I won’t be celebrating with her. This is her first birthday in heaven. My mom wound if been 80 this year. I remember last year I went to her nursing home and I brought my mom a cupcake and she ate it and that made her so happy. I brought her a balloon too and she enjoyed that too. I wish I could get that day back again. I wish I could see her smile again. I feel bad that I never captured a picture of that day because that was her last birthday here with me. I just didn’t know. I guess it’s ok but this Saturday I’m going to make a cake and celebrate my mom and her life. In memory of her and the love she had for me and everyone. Then on February 22 it will be my dads birthday. This is his second birthday in heaven. I’m going to celebrate that day too. I’m going to remember my dad and how he cared for my mom so much til the very end. Even when he was sick himself he took care of her and he loved her so much. I’m going to remember him and honor him. I miss them both so much. I struggle everyday with this . I know they would want me to be happy and live for them. Some days are good other days it’s tough. I haven’t been writing as much but I’m trying to heal from everything. There really isn’t a certain amount of time to grieve. I know it’s different for everybody.

Copyright://Reflections of Love CD 😊❤️

Been a while

I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been busy working my new job and preparing for the Holidays. I can’t believe it’s been 7 months since my mom passed away. I miss her so much. It’s especially hard this year for me because this is the first year without my parents. I miss them so much and I can hardly believe it. It’s a day to day struggle but I’ve been doing fairly well. I want to continue writing my blog. I think that is what my mom and dad would want. I want to continue this journey.

I hope you will still continue to read my blog. I want to help other people who might be dealing with people with dementia and Alzheimer’s and who struggle losing their parents. So maybe I can write again and share my heart and maybe along the way help someone. I hope to write more and I hope I can share with all of you.

Happy Holidays

Copyright://Reflections of Love/CD❤️🌈❤️

Blog Reflection

Well I don’t know what to say today. I miss my mom and dad everyday. It will be almost a year since my dad passed away on October 13th and that doesn’t even seem possible. I can’t believe it but I know it’s true. My moms has been gone four months too. I started this blog almost five years ago when my mom was just diagnosed with dementia. Boy does that seem like a lifetime ago. So much has changed now it’s seems still unreal to me. I wish I would of told them more how much I loved them. Now it’s to late. I’m so glad I took care of them as long as I did. I have so many good memories now. It doesn’t really get any easier as the days go on. I have so many things I could say to them.

Even though my mom had dementia I miss her just being here. Her smile, her laugh she cared for me to the very end. I don’t regret any of the time I spent with her. I know they are together again and happy.

I started a new job two weeks ago at a call center. I’m enjoying working again and it helps me through. I hope to keep writing this blog. I’ve enjoyed it so much! I hope someone will be touched by it. It would be worth it to me.

Copyright://Reflections of Love CD 😊❤️💜

Goodbye

I haven’t been on here much lately. Just trying to get over the lost of both of my parents in such a short time. I miss them more than anything. I’m trying to go day by day but it’s so hard.

I spent everyday at their house for the last four years so it’s very difficult to know what to do now. Right now I’m in the process of going through all of their stuff and selling their trailer that they lived in for 35 years. It’s really a major task and it brings up so many memories too. You never know what is like to you actually have to go through it. I had a sale this past weekend and I got rid of some things it’s just so difficult. There’s no way to make it easier.

I think about them everyday. My mom had dementia but I still miss her. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her in a proper way! I miss her smile and her laugh and she was always looking out for me. She was a great mom and my dad was too. I’m so thankful I had amazing parents that always put me first. They would do anything for you all you would have to do is ask and they would be there. For this I’m forever grateful. Maybe I didn’t have everything in the material stuff but I had parents that loved me and I was so honored to take care of them too the best that I could.

My mom eventually had to go into a nursing home because I was physically and emotionally exhausted but I visited her everyday or every other day that I could. I know that was the best for her. But when this virus hit I didn’t get to visit her at all for 3 months. I did talk to her on the phone but it just wasn’t the same. I know she missed me being with her and I missed 3 months with her . And I think she just gave up. She fell and broke her hip at the very end and then she got the virus and that was the end. I didn’t get to be by her side I didn’t even get to tell her I loved her. She just went and that was that. It wasn’t fair that had to happen.

But at least I know her and my dad are together again after 60 years here on this earth. For that I am forever grateful and I will never regret anything. I hope through this blog I can help someone who might know someone who has dementia or someone who just needs someone to tell that it’s going to be ok. It will be worth it to me if only one person is helped in some way. Have a wonderful day and enjoy life.

Copyright:/.Reflections of Love/CD 😊❤️🌈

Blog Reflection

It’s been 6 weeks since my mom passed away. I miss her very much. It’s so different now that she’s not here. I’ve been trying to stay busy so I don’t think about it as much. The days just seem to run together I was so consumed with my mom and dad I forgot how to take care of me. I don’t regret taking care of them I’m glad I spent so much time with them because I can never get that back. I miss them so much it hurts to even write this.

We still haven’t had a memorial service for my mom hopefully soon because it will give me some type of closure to this journey. I know it will happen soon and it to will be a distant memory. I hope I have helped someone who is also on this journey with dementia because that would be a goal that I have accomplished through this blog. I know this road hasn’t been easy for me but I wouldn’t change any of it. At least my mom and dad are together once again. Their anniversary is July 22 and this year would of been their 61st year. Now I think that’s quite a accomplishment and now they can celebrate together in heaven. I will celebrate also with them. And one day we will all be together again. I love and miss you my sweet mom and dad! ❤️🌈💜

Copyright:// Reflections of Love/CD ❤️